TV labrador Ben Fogle is back on the box this week while he continues to film his new show "extreme sex", to be aired later in the year. Ben, a word to the wise, try to bring some tissues. This show looks as if it has no chance of getting on before nine.

Link to image:

"The farmer took a liking to the cow", the tractor driver explained, "and put the cow to calf". "What!" I thought, as I sat in the trailer during the tour around Northney Farm, "What a filthy beast!". I suppose the next thing I hear will be the attack on David Blunkett by a cow was over a long standing paternity dispute.

Link to image:

Well, Guinness is 250 year's old this year.

To celebrate this they have issue a special 250 year brew, which I tried in "The Onley Ale House"just outside Washington DC.

Well it was shite, it was for all purposes the stout that my Grandfather used to drink out of the bottle, at least that had a taste, this had nothing.

So if you are offered this or see it in a bar resist the temptation, dish water would have more taste and character.

On the other hand, I enjoyed a few ordinary Guinness both in Washington and New York, and they were as good as here.

My name has an apostrophe. This precludes me from being quoted for car insurance on quotezone. Apostrophes are not allowed. I can only be quoted if I make up the surname or leave the apostrophe out alltogether. Such nonsense! Don't they like the 'Oirish'?

Feck,

I'm reallyannoyed with myself for not posting anything since 8th Dec 2008.

Need to fix that, I'll make up for lost time, for some reason why can I picture alot of heads in hands saying no....... please no.

I'll be back

Virgin Media. No broadband. No TV. The engineer was booked for between 8am and noon on Saturday. If I missed the slot Virgin were going to charge me a £10 penalty. For a bank holiday there were other things I would rather be doing but the frustration of being without, erm... really not good.

At 9:30am the phone rings. It's customer service, the engineer has called in sick. No one else is available. This is taking the piss. Called in sick on a bank holiday? Guess what he's been up to. I have no choice but to reschedule.

Given Virgin Media were going to charge me a tenner, shouldn't I be entitled to do the same as they missed their slot? Maybe this would provide an incentive for the company to start providing a proper level of customer service. What a prick of an engineer. What do you think I should do?

Although he has been wholly descredited since, Gordon Brown was once known as the Iron Chancellor. An unusual moniker given he is in fact made almost entirely from jelly, an attribute which must surely contribute to S&P's threat to downgrade the UK's credit rating.

Link to image:

Gordon Brown, Hazel Blears, Liz Blackman, Kevin Brennan, Alistair Darling, Ben Chapman, Ed Balls, David Chaytor, Harry Cohen, David Miliband, Geoff Hoon, Shaun Woodward, Maria Eagle..............more

Link to image:

The 2nd of May and the Express Delivery package Amazon shipped on the 16th April still hasn't been delivered. It seems to be lost in Cork by UPS, even though their tracking screen still shows the package being scanned in every morning. 

Looking at the long list of dates - UPS may as well wave a red rag in front of me. Unbelievably, I even sent them a Google map and they still couldn't deliver. I sent Amazon the same map. They replied to me with a very automated response, and then seem to have done nothing at all. A week passed and despite their claim to be "building Earth's most customer-centric company" I hear nothing at all. They don't seem to have picked up the phone to give UPS a kick in the rectum or to let me know what's going on. 

Having had enough I cancel the order and take the opportunity to make a complaint to Amazon. Mohanraj, at Customer Service, advises me the delivery "reflects negatively upon Amazon.co.uk and the feedback that you have provided will be used in reviewing the service provided by UPS. I have forwarded your comments to relevant department and they will investigate the issue."

Translation: nothing will happen and I certainly don't expect to hear any outcome. Interestingly, no reference is made to Amazon's own customer service failings and in not following up with UPS after my earlier enquiries, nor updating me at any stage.

Link to image:

Archive footage of Gordon Brown from the World Economic Forum.

Link to image:

UPS deliver 15.5 million packages and documents daily to more than two hundred countries and claim to be able to deliver to every address in Europe and North America. In using them, my intention was not to test the assertion, but instead to deliver a package to my Dad in time for his birthday. Actually, I didn't have a choice. I bought a book on Amazon and selected priority delivery.

The package should have arrived next day, but over a week later and it still hasn't arrived. The driver couldn't find the address. Seemingly unquestioned by a supervisor, the driver marked the package up with " incorrect address".

This address is one of those saved on Amazon and has been delivered to umpteen times before. Nothwithstanding this, if you actually type it into Google Maps, it's clearly displayed. In fact, astonishingly, I went to the trouble of saving a google map with the address pin pointed and sent it through to UPS support. They responded to say they've forwarded the email "to the relevant department", but the package still hasn't arrived. Is it me or does good customer service seem to be a thing of the past? A company reaches a certain size and they couldn't give a monkey's about your business any more. They're too focussed on the share price. Or are the staff in Cork sitting around eating peanuts?

Where's my effin package?

They still can't bake! They boast an instore bakery, but I don't, for one minute, believe a proper Baker would produce the product below and try to sell it on to an unwitting consumer at full price. I bought a pack of two Pain au Raisons, brewed a fresh cup of coffee and bit into one. It was dry and didn't taste right. Turning it over explained why, as you can see from the picture below on the right. The blackened, charred bottom is clearly visible. I paid full price for this, or actually, I should say I was overcharged for this, and thereby, unwittingly, contributed to Tesco's £3bn profit as I didn't return to Tesco to complain and ask for a refund.

Link to image:

Bugger! The cowboy builders strike again.....

Link to image:

Link to image:

Gordon Brown unveils plans to create 100,000 jobs in a public spending programme rumoured to include the construction of a giant Sphinx in London's Canary Wharf. The Sphinx will have a contemporary twist and is to be built with the head of Gordon Brown on the body of a lion. 

Link to image:

Come here Darling, screw the economy, pucker up and kiss me. I know you want it....

Link to image:

Here we are in the middle of a Global Financial Crisis, comparisons to previous decades abound, we can't even have a rasher sandwich, and The Shadows are reforming with Cliff Richard to play "stadium concerts" in 2009.

I knew that this recession was different but why The Shadows , for feck sake,we're depressed enough.

Apparently this will be the last opportunity to see them all together on stage.

2009 and The Shadows are still "gigging" oh Christ we're going backwards.

Hey there,

Being reading this site for a while now am missing The Markster and his pictures. Whats with the disappearing trick ? have you like just gone away.

And as for Blacksheep, you are the man with these highbrow blogs, just a pity that you cant get the hyphens in the right place in words like weren't. !!!

Thats my moan for now, disappearing Marksters and bad bad English

B

The chicken shite spineless Government of Ireland has announced that with effect from 1 January 2009 new income thresholds will apply for medical cards for people aged 70 and over. (The existing arrangements will continue to apply until the end of this year.)

It means everyone aged 70 or over whose gross income is less than €700 a week (€36,500 a year) if single and €1,400 a week (€73,000 a year) for a couple can now be sure they will keep their medical card.Yes you are seeing that €73,000 correctly.

There are rumours that this shitless government there are ongoing talks to includes

1. Extention of the Free Travel Pass on buses and trains to all Flights.
2. A TV will now be issued with the Free TV Licience
3. Free Gas will be added to the Free Electricity, if the oldie does'nt have gas the equivalent with put into a Bank account of choice.

On a plus side at least the protests re-engaged some level of outrage, but the only people who will suffer are the ones earning a lotless than €36500/€73000, with house paid.

Before the left wing liberals begin to accuse me of being anti old people, I'm not I just think they whinge too much.

We in Ireland are suffering an economic recession and last Tuesday the Government introduced a tough budget for 2009. As part of that budget it was decided that people who are over 70 would not get the free medical card automatically, but would be means tested going foward.

Well in typical Irish fashion, hell has frozen over. Up to a couple of years ago they were means tested anyway until a give away budget granted 140,000 people who were'nt eligible for cards, in recognistion of building the country. 

Now there is outcry, my basic view is that if you can afford to pay for something ,pay for it and stop whingeing.

There are plenty of 70 plus people out there with good pensions and property and have the "means" to pay, state aid should be kept for those who need not some retired civil servant living in the leafy suburbs of South Co. Dublin with his final year salary.

Anyway if things are really bad B&Q are always hiring..................

The British Banks have thrown the teddy out of the pram, due to the guarantee of €440bn that the Irish Government for all six Irish Banks for the next 2 years. Fees to be arranged and disclosed 

Even Alistar Darling called our Finance Minister (Brian Lenihan) pleading with him not to do it, to which Lenihan, no doubt, reminded him of his superb handing of Northern Rock, and other market helping comments he has made over the last 6 months.

The British Bankers are angry because of the outflow of funds from British Banks to Irish Banks now that deposits are guaranteed by the Irish Government, bless them.

The Irish Govenment had a gun to its head Monday Night/Tuesday Morning and probably secured the financial system in Ireland by its quick action, which in turn ensures jobs. To have the British Bankers whinge is ironic, since they have been silent through out this crisis.

Maybe the Governments should look at the Irish Govenments move and see if they could replicate it, rather whinge that they did'nt think it up first.I think its quiet refreshing to see a government ACT LIKE A GOVERNMENT and show leadership

Today I had the joy of having to sit behind an eejit in a Volvo S40 on the A3 who continued driving in the fast lane even though there were no other cars to overtake. There were distances of up to half a mile between cars in the middle lane, ample room to pull in, but he didn't. He was obviously one of the soft heads who thinks his rightful position is in the fast lane, at the top of the Q.

I had a few options

1. undertake
2. flash headlights
3. begin tailgating

I am not a fan of either of these options, and was stupid enough to think common sense might prevail. The bonehead would look in his rear view mirror and make way. But being bereft of common sense he didn't do that and I should have undertaken him.

This is the same type of eejit that comes off a slip road and makes an immediate beeline for the fast lane even though their acceleration is never going to match the speed of existing traffic. And the type of eejit who waits until the very last moment to try and cut across lanes to make it to the exit, applying their brakes suddenly, usually in both fast and middle lanes in their hurry to get off in time.