Why is doing the weekly shop such a pain in the feckin arse ?.

I have just completed another "sortie" to the supermarket, I use military terms because I now plan my weekly shopping trip with military precision.

I make a list, I visualise the route I am going to take through the isles, I have a few contingencies in my head just in case something out of the ordinary happens. I now go early in the morning in order to get the feckin thing done and out of the way, and to avoid some of the feckin ejeets that occupy parts of my world.

This becomes a bigger chore when my children are with me due to school holidays, for the constant pleas "Daddy can I have this " or "this is my favourite" despite knowing that the last time we bought that "favourite" it ended up in the bin with a large blue hairy mould attached to it. When I say "no" and I do, just because my six year old decides to throw a hissy fit does'nt mean that everyone has to stop their shopping to have a gawk, I genuinely feel like telling them to "piss off"(not my children, the gawkers).

Another thing I firmly believe that people should be taught how to push a trolley through a supermarket, I love the common practice of simply abandoning the trolley in the middle of the isle whilst the owner peruses the shelves, meanwhile a trolley tailback is now forming behind the offending trolley, and still the perusing continues. Perhaps the trolleys should come with hazard warning lights that can be switched on when stopping. Why can't people simply think?. Just pull your trolley to one side and this will allow other shoppers to pass, you moron.

Couple the above with the trolley pusher that simple bashes their way around the supermarket, you begin to wonder what goes on in peoples heads, if anything at all.

And just when you think that people cant get any ruder(not sure if thats a word,but I'm using it anyway), you find yourself looking for a product, you stand, well I stand, about 2 feet from the shelf and some gobshite squeezes into the 2 foot gap between you and the shelf, whats all that about? you feel like giving him/her a kick up the arse.

When all this is done and your trolley is full to the brim, you finally make it to the check-out, the gateway out of the hell you have just endured. You spot a checkout with another customer almost finished you pull up and begin to unload your shopping, you're half way through the unloading and the checkout person says "I'm closing this position now", "Why did'nt you tell me that when I arrived?" I ask, a shrug of the shoulders is the reply.

You relocate and get unloading again, the first question from the checkout assistant "do you have a loyalty card ?", "No I d'ont" the assistant looks shocked, everyone has a card, the cards are free, she continues in a state of shock.

Beep,beep, beep, your shopping gets scanned and pushed down, so that you can pack them yourself, the checkout assistant makes no feckin effort to help you , and then it happens the person behind "only has a few items" and the checkout assistant starts scanning eventhough you're not finished. I am boiling now, "excuse me can you please display some level of manners and allow me to finish my packing before you attend to other customers" I hiss, you know they think you're a grumpy old fart but I d'ont care manners are free.

So the next time you decide to part with your hard earned cash and do the weekly shop, just be prepared for the gawker, the trolley abandoner, the unhelpful checkout assistant,and the pusher.