With parking spaces not getting any wider and more and more people driving the equivalent of armoured personnel carriers is it any wonder our cars are being scratched to bits when there isn't even enough room to open your door to get in.

I had taken to parking in the remotest corners of any car park and, if it was a multi story, going straight to the top floor, thereby minimising the risk of damage to the car, including all the hit and run bumper scrapes you find, each one, as if adding to your disillusion about humanity.

Parking further away I would get more exercise. This seemed to be the last thing on anyone's mind when looking for a parking space. The objective is to park as close as possible to the destination, even if, for some, it means parking in a disabled spot. When challenged, can you believe someone would shrug "sure, there'll be none of them around this time of the night".

Parking at a distance brings a new wonder. How is it I can park remotely, yet, when I return to my car, I find a cluster of other cars parked around it, as if to form an island? Yet again, on a visit to Tesco, i park in the remote corner, plenty of empty spaces beside me, and lots between me and the entrance.

Why then would someone pull up, so close, that I can't properly open my door?

I look at the space between our cars, I look around at all the empty spaces......

I recently visited a local Garden Centre in the evening. When I arrived there were 2 or 3 other cars dotted in various areas of the large car park adjacent to the Centre. To say it was quiet was an understatement. I parked in the middle of the car park away from everyone else and then I took my 3 year old son from the back seat and off we went for a ramble around.

About 20 mins later we arrived back into the car park. Yes, you've guessed it. On the left of my car where my son's seat was a 'topless' left hand drive Golf had sided up along side. They were inseparable !! To the right of my car a Chelsea Tractor had parked with its usual sole occupant (if there were passengers they couldn't have alighted from the tractor as there door would have been jammed against my car.

Solution: Go completely Apes**t. Whilst I regret losing my temper in front of my 3 year old (who thought it was hilarious), in no way do I regret any of the accidental damage that may have allegedly been suffered to any of my fellow car park users vehicles that night.

A retarded monkey would have more sense than some people who have been granted a licence the use our public highways these days.  

The only explanation seems to be a DNA defect which renders people more idiotic and even more stupid than a retarded monkey

(Apologies in advance to any retarded monkeys who read this and may want to counter)