Well, Feburary 1, the first day of spring.It should be noted the weather people regard March 1 as the first day of spring.Crocuses are out, snowdrops are out, daffodils are preparing their trumpets for display. Indeed my rhubard has appeared in the vegetable patch along with the first green leaves on the strawberry plants.

What can be really annoying about this? I can hear you say. Its not that things are growing, its all the work that will be needed to be done over the next couple of weeks.

1. Get into shed. I d'ont know about you but every spring the chore of cleaning out the shed is a pain in the arse. I d'ont know what happens from the end of Oct to the start of Feb but my shed looks as if its being hit by a hurricane, on the inside.
2. Locate Lawnmower. Ah yes you will lift up the lawnmower to inspect its blade to see if it needs sharpening. You'll be greeted by the grass from last years last cut, that should now be a lovely mouldly blue/green. Should you feel that you need the blade sharpened, trying to unscrew the blade can be hours of bleeping and cursing.Check the oil, decide that it needs a service, try and fit it into back of saloon car, attempting not to scrap paintwork on car. D'ont worry you will. Drive to lawnmower service man, find out he's gone out of business, curse, drive home with boot hopping up and down. Hope not to be stopped.
3. Cut grass. First cut, avoid Dog S##T, collect grass and add it to compost maker which by now is a sea of slime. I never get compost from mine.
4. Trim back dead pieces on shrubs. End up cutting too hard and plant dies. Off to the Garden Centre to buy replacement, exit garden Centre with enough to replant the Amazon Rain Forest. Stuff them into every available space in the car, think about leaving your child behind to make more space, think better of it. Place child back in car forgetting that the poor child is sitting in thorny plant. Nobody happy.
5. Replanting. Prepare the soil, place the plants in their places, review, unhappy, lift and replant again. Weeks later still at the exercise.
6. New plans. Draw up new plans for garden, never put plans in place. if you do patio uneven, child trips up on corner and cuts lip, wife calls you "feckin eejit". You retreat to shed for beer, wife unhappy cause you're "drinking" in the afternoon. Put up new trellis on wall to support climbers, miss nail hit finger, run around garden shouting and wailing like Homer, wife happy.
7. Waking up.Wake up next day "in bits", takes 30mins to get out of bed, think that you have dislocated your arse, which is medically impossible, slide down stairs only to see that you still have 90% of the rest to do.Go to couch, never leave.

Spring has sprung so enjoy it.