Christ I must be getting old, I just d'ont understand what fashion is anymore.

I was in Dublin and was looking to buy a pair of casual trousers, so after a browse I chose a pair and go to the cashier, it should be pointed out that these were going to cost me €90.

When I went to the cashier, I said to the girl that there was a little fray on the pockets and could I have an unfrayed pair from the stores as there are no other pairs in my size on the shelves. She looked at me as if I was from space, "thats the way they are, its fashion",I replied with astonishment etched on my face "I'll leave them, this means all the trousers I have at home are now in fashion".

I walked out of the store shocked, but it gets worse, while walking to get my train I noticed a woman walking in front of me with writing on the arse of her track suit, it said "eye candy" in shiny porn style letters.

When I say that there was nothing sexy about this, you really need to use a mental picture that will in honesty cause you sleepless nights.

Suffice it to say that a message such as "wideload" or "do not pass if turning left" would have been more appropriate. And for feck sake, G string knickers riding up around the shoulders is’nt sexy either.