Boris Johnson, London Mayor, has had his head shaved today to help raise additional funding for the 2012 Olympics. Unexpectedly, under his trademark blonde bouffant was revealed an astonishing birthmark, similar to the warnings found on supermarket grocery packaging.

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Gordon Brown, pictured on his way to a fancy dress party at the weekend, is more "Robbin' Hood" than "Robin Hood". He is the Prince of thieves, just look at the headlines -

• Labours latest stealth tax hits 11.7M drivers
• £520 NI 'Stealth tax' if you earn £40,000
• This stealth tax on our dustbins
• Stamp duty 'Stealth tax' creeps up on house buyers
• The £100bn stealth tax he hoped we'd never notice
• Council tax increases send household bills soaring above £3,000
• New taxes look bad for business
• The 10% rate and low-income households
• ....
• Need I go on?

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At Fishers Farm in Sussex I got very confused by the animals during a visit last weekend. A case in point was the horse pictured below. If it weren't for the sign advising me not to feed the horses I would have definitely classified this animal as some kind of goat! Just shows you how little I know about the countryside.

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While going through the monthly exercise of shredding all the junk mail the banks, credit card and insurance companies pile through our letter boxes I find a letter from Tesco Insurance saying they have automatically renewed my home insurance. I need do no more!

The letter says:

My first thought was "I've been had", my second was, why did Tesco store my bank details for the year? My third thought was, look at the premium - £456.75. This is over two and a half times more expensive than the cheapest quote I had received for a comparable policy, from Swinton.

My fourth thought was, I'll never use these cowboys again, how can they get away with it - and try to pass it off as though they're doing me a favour and being done in the name of high standards?

What'll it be next? Will I find some of the staff in my living room opening a bottle of wine. "We decided to help ourselves, every little helps!"

The BBC headline read "Brown brings mystery to festival." Of course, this isn't the only place he brings mystery. Although better known for his sleight of hand, Gordan is currently making houses disappear at an alarming rate throughout the UK.

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"I don't think the British people have ever been broken by anything or anyone." says Gordon Brown in an Interview with Ian Rankin at the Edinburgh book festival. Read the story here.

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"Britain is basically a decent, compassionate society", says Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

Yeah, right!

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In a seafood salad purchased from Tesco I found the diminutive monster circled below clung to the side of a prawn, perhaps feeding. Like I'm going to eat it now! How annoying!

Under the microscope I thought the creature bore a a slight resemblance to Tesco CEO, Sir Terry Leahy, but it may have been a trick of the light. Gosh, I hope he's not doing anything despicable on the food.

I couldn't quite think of the caption for the picture below. Any suggestions? It depicts Gordon Brown and Harriet enjoying happier days in each others company at No. 10 - before he went on holidays! 

You know, I heard they even had their own song. It's that one from Martene McCutchen. Remember her? Eastenders. And I'm sure you've seen her in Faces. What was it called, "This is my moment.", or something like that?

I'm sure I have a weak regulator to thank for shafting the consumer and limiting my choice in the area so I have to endure three trips to Tesco in the week, one to the supermarket, one to the Tesco convenience shop and one to the Tesco petrol station.

All three had their own dissatisfied tale to tell about Tesco Customer Service.....

1. At the supermarket the groceries were being scanned as if it were the new speed event in the 2012 Olympics. As I struggled, near defeat, with separating plastic bags and trying to pack, the cashier was finished and was now busy texting on her mobile phone, completely oblivious to me.

2. At the partly flooded convenience shop I bought a chicken ceaser wrap. The cashier seemed to clear a bonus of £2 from the transaction. I handed him £4, and watched as he registered £2 cash received on the till. What happened to the other £2?

3. At the petrol station - I wrote about this earlier - a queue even though there are free pumps. What are the staff doing? From the corner of my eye I observe a manager emerge from the nearby supermarket. He takes a closer look, albeit at long distance, at the queue and scuttles back inside the supermarket. What do the staff do? Nothing!

I think the petrol stations are designed to work without supervision. When I finally make it inside to pay the two chuckling cashiers decide to swap tills while us customers wait.

Going to Tesco gets you in such a bad mood! Grrrrrrr......

I probably wouldn't mind queueing for petrol if there was a shortage, but to end up in a queue for no reason at all is absolutely infuriating. There are free pumps, but we're sitting in a queue. All because there are a group of boneheads who insist on waiting for the pump to be on the same side as their petrol cap.

It makes no bloody difference! The pump will reach. You can use any pump.

To demonstrate the point, below is a picture of me filling my car up with the petrol cap "on the wrong side". Quite clearly there is loads of room.

Having made it to Uhuru Peak, Africa's highest point, the last thing I expected was to almost lose an eye. Yet this very nearly happened as some eejit wedged a metal plate into the sign that marks the peak, to hang a memento on. As the plate is at eye level it's invisible. I turned right into it, and caught my eye..

Should I be surprised? No. Tourists the world over do some extraordinary and really annoying shit. You can't let them out you know. The most annoying for me was a young woman posing on an Ahu, one of the sacred platforms for the Easter Island Moai, for an entire afternoon, just obstructing the view without a care for anyone else. That was annoying, but chipping a piece from a Moai ear to retain as a keepsake as a Finnish tourist did this year - that's just plain shit..

And speaking of which, in the Atacama desert, one of the magical places of the world, a tourist ruined the natural rock formation known as the three Maria's when he climbed up on one of the figures for a photo shoot and broke it. Way to go ass#*le!

The following clip of a Geordie buying shoes was emailed to me last week. It seems to have been recorded off the TV, but I can't make out the channel. One thing is for sure, I wouldn't like to be the Shop Assistant.

Watch out guys, if you have been adding Activia to your shopping basket you could be accused of being a gay or a girl. This yogurt is as feminine as tampons and panty liners. This was lost on me until I saw the current TV advert for the product which alienates male consumers by using the words "every female" instead of "everyone" in the sentence "I have every female in my family eating it".

The message is simple. It's a girls product. Guys don't eat it. I am a guy, I shouldn't eat Activia yogurt. I wrote to Danone for clarity. A spokeswoman from the UK Danone Careline responded to my email saying it was "fine for men as well". Rather than being assured, the reply made me more apprehensive as it read more like "you shouldn't have any side effects you freak".

I have dropped Activia from my shopping list since seeing the advert. The email did not attempt to get it back on there. I guess men eating Activia is something they can't be seen to condone. If you are male and eat Activia consult a specialist, you need help.

The response from Danone:

Good afternoon

Thank you for your e-mail. Activia is fine for men as well as women.

The core target audience for Activia is women aged 30-45+. This is why we advertise with women only, around this age. We are aware that men also consume Activia, but understand this is low compared to the number of female consumers; hence our advertising is targeted at women. We have not ruled out men in advertising and this is something we may do in the future.

Gordon Brown is looking a bit arse about face over this 10p tax rate.

Marks & Spencer don’t have a plan B. They do have a Plan A, and Plan A is all about tackling "some of the biggest challenges facing ..... the world".

Their eco-marketing literature says we’ll see them work with "customers .... to combat climate change". As part of the plan they’re introducing a 5p charge for plastic bags from the 6th of May, to help reduce the amount sent to landfill. Until then, every shopper will get a free bag for life with their food purchases.

I got one yesterday. It was handed to me, neatly folded, after I finished packing my purchases into the environmentally damaging plastic.

Pardon me for stating the "bleedin" obvious – but shouldn’t the free bag be handed out first – are you really serious about Plan A, or is this just more marketing to mug the consumer?

Mayor Ken Livingston, posing outside City Hall, as he promotes his plan to create a beach on London's South Bank; an urban beach to rival the Plage in Paris.

Ooops, did Ken accidentally forget to put on his Speedos? Uh la la!

Why are old sheets and pieces of cardboard beginning to replace the traditional birthday card? Hang them up on a fence at the bottom of the road or over a bridge. They'll be so excited when they see their birthday sheet!

I'm an Orange mobile customer for over ten years. In that time I have had one phone upgrade, and a lot of very expensive bills. The phone upgrade didn't last long. It was an Ericsson T28s which didn't allow you to speak. You'd dial a number and could hear the person on the other end answer hello before hanging up. I remember walking into an Orange Retail Shop on Oxford Street only to be told they couldn't help as the Orange shops were seperate. Great Service!

If you don't upgrade your phones you're meant to get a discount. I've never had one. Occassionally my monthly bills top a £100. Am I on the right plan? Who knows, all this marketing gibberish about Dolphins, Racoons and Panthers is just too confusing.

In any case, the issue is international calls which are normally out of plan and where the Mobile companies rake it in.

If I'm away in Cork it's 38pence a minute to make a call, 19pence a minute to receive a call and 25pence to send a text message. From the UK I call Irish mobiles and at the end of every month I am left with unused minutes and unused texts which only roll over a month. Orange keep the rest.

The good news, I found a way to do it for free. All I get charged is a local rate call which gets swallowed up in the unused minutes I lose every month. Mobiles in all the countries listed below can be called for free...

Ireland, USA, Autralia, South Africa, Canada, Belgium, China, France, Spain, Argentina, Austria, Bahrain, Brazil, Bulgaria, Chile, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Norway, Germany, Hungary, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Luxembourg, Mexico, Lithuania, Netherlands, New Zealand, Peru, Poland, Romania, Slovnia, Skovakia, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, UK

The company doing this are called Rebtel. With a name like this they should come from Cork, but they don't. They're based in Stockholm, and it's easy to get started.

Next thing I need to find is how to make free or very low costs txts, anyone out there in Neverland know the answer?

Eating out should be a treat.

At Cafe Rouge, about five minutes from Brighton's seafront, early on Saturday evening, people were being turned away because there were no tables.

They were lucky.

This would have been anything but a treat.

The service at Cafe Rouge was so bad I think it is the first restaurant I ever walked out of without leaving a tip.

We waited an hour for the Salade de al mer, a main course which, unbelievably, was smaller than the side salad. Is it a main course, or have we been mugged and served a starter portion?

There is no one to ask. We can’t even order another drink as there is no service. Not once did anyone visit the table to see how things were.

Having waited twenty minutes for a coffee I complained about the children’s meal. There was no banana. The waiter didn’t seem to understand.

I cancelled the coffee. Just bring me the bill, I hissed.

People were still being turned away. Not because the place was so busy, but because the service was so abysmal.

Outside I look back, take out my camera and photograph the facade. I make a mental note: never return, dissuade anyone from going.

M&S share price has dipped again after news the retailer issued 70,000 to 800,000 20% discount vouchers to employees and pensioners in an attempt to boost trading. Sales are still down since Christmas, and while it may be convenient to blame consumer confidence or "tough trading conditions" or interest rates, where M&S are concerned, other controllable factors are clearly contributing to the decline. In fact, if you have the vouchers, there is every possibility they'll still be in your pocket at the end of the day.

Take their clothing. Last weekend I visited M&S at Hedge End. Out of a large selection of suits there were actually only two choices. One,a grey city pin, had the right jacket size but not the right trouser size. For the other, the complete opposite. They had the right trouser size but not the jacket. Are there any sales assistants?

I wait for one. I give up and wander away to another section. I come back. I wait. I give up again. I overhear an old dear confide to her friend "they used to do fantastic stuff in M&S but they seem to have stopped doing it for some reason". I couldn't make up this comment. I come back. I wait. Finally, after about fifteen minutes, a sales assistant appears only to say "We don't keep stock Sir. Just whats on the rails. We can order it in for you?."

Order it in? Great! Shall I just wait here for three days, by the changing room? I leave. Next day I visit M&S in Portsmouth. Unbelievably, in the grey pin suit, they have the right trousers but not the right jacket size. It's Sunday trading, so I have no chance of making it back to Hedge End before closing to get a full set.

During the week, as I still need a suit, I interrupt my commute home and get out at Oxford Circus. I walk to Marble Arch, home to the largest M&S store in the UK. Inside, I have to give right of way to a sales assistant before going up the escalator to Mens. Rails and Rails of suits to walk passed. Their biggest store in the UK, a huge choice of suits, but still the same issue. You can't get a complete set.

Tough trading conditions. Don't give me that cow crap, when the buying conditions are impossible!

Tesco have added a wall of diy tools to its Express in Port Solent as it continues to expand and expand and expand. I went in to do some quick grocery shopping, but what an effort! Firstly, there were no baskets by the door and I had to literally hunt one down. None at checkout one. None at checkout two. None at checkout three. What the f_ck, did they send them all out on a training course! Finally, I find one lone basket at checkout nine.

You know I read recently that well over 50% of the people who shop at Tesco find it irritating. I'm sure the rest find it really annoying. Half the aisles are littered with packaging and there just seems to be no pride in keeping the place clean.

No pride. What's this? Pizza Express pizzas dated the 13th. That's three days ago, and they are still on sale at full price. Now that's just taking the piss!

It is to become compulsory for 11 to 14 year olds to be able "to cook a tomato sauce" announced Ed Balls, School Secretary, as he introduced new labour plans to tackle obesity. The Government will fund the training of eight hundred new cookery teachers in the next two to three years making practical cooking skills part of the national curriculum from 2011. Students will be able to "do shepherds pie, or chilli con carne ... or do a simple curry", he continued, while inviting members of the public to suggest healthy, easy to prepare dishes. (Ed, how about Tomato Sauce?)

Critics of the scheme point out the fact that physical activities aren't compulsory, and physical exercise may be more effective in fighting obesity trends among the young.

Meanwhile, a giant picture of Gordon Brown was delivered to Downing Street today for approval by the PM. It's rumoured the image will be permanently displayed on London Bridge, in a similar way to the portrait of Chairman Mao in the Forbidden City, Beijing.

The monster reaches out his huge hand....

Home affairs committee chairman, Keith Vaz, speaking during yesterdays question time said the government are likely to press ahead with national ID cards and were going to pilot the scheme this year by issuing them to foreigners entering the country. Press ahead? Of course they are. The Identity Cards Bill received Royal Assent in March 2006, and the UK passport office became the IPS (Identity and Passport Service) on 1st April 2006. The IPS website is unequivocal in saying the "National Identity Scheme will eventually become compulsory". The scheme will be obligatory for British, Irish and foreign nationals resident in the UK.

The ID cards will contain biometric data which will also be stored on a national database with other personal details. This data is being termed our  "biographical footprint" which the government will keep and track. The scheme is being packaged up as though it were for our benefit, but the benefits listed on the IPS website are really pretty lame.

The cards will cost £30 each. With a population of 60million this will raise £1.8billion which will pay for extra public sector staff to run the scheme, and another public sector IT project to build the database. Are you comfortable with this? Would you have preferred this to have been spent on the NHS? Does the government have a good track record of storing data? Do you trust them with your "biographical footprint"?

I don't! And what's coming next? A CCTV camera in every home?

32 dead horses were discovered in Amersham, Bucks at the weekend. Three other animals were in such poor condition they had to be put down, while the remaining stock of eighty were being taken to sanctuaries rather than the meat hooks they were destined for. Conditions at the site were described as "utterly horrific" with horses being tied up in small pens and standing in their own excrement.

So what's the problem? They're animals! There are plenty of starving people in Africa who'd be happy to eat them! This probably isn't a response you'd expect, but would it be more acceptable if I was talking about chickens?

They live for thirty nine days, never see natural light, constantly feed to make their commercial weight, are overcrowded, get painful lesions on their legs from sitting in their own faeces ("hock burns"), and are starved for eight hours on their last day to have a clean gut before ending up on our shelves in Tesco at two for a fiver.

This is the story Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has been describing on Channel 4 this week as he tried to convert  Axminster into Britain's first free range town. His experimental chicken farm contrasted differences in welfare, and in taste, between factory reared and free range. The free range chickens, he said, are "out here in the grass, doing what chickens want to do."

I would like to think, and I'm probably in the majority,  the surviving horses in Amersham would have a similar fate and were free to run around a field, but when it comes to chickens people just don't seem to feel the same. They're chickens, they'll buy two for a fiver.

I'm actually in denial it's the new year.  It can't really have passed by that quickly. They've missed out on some of the months. They must have done. Was there an April? And what about October, I don't remember there being an October?

I do remember The Rise of the Silver Surfer, the disappearance of Madeline, demolishing the garden shed, and a few other things really got my goat during the year, but here's my top ten....

1. Gordon Brown
   Continuing to annoy me. He became Prime Minister, bottled an election, quietly signed the Lisbon treaty passing further powers away to the EU, promised a government of "all the talents" then lost the personal details of 25million people, had a party funding scandal, pledged an end to spin while in the same breath claiming to have reduced the rate of corporation tax (not quite, there was an increase for small companies - the so called backbone of the economy). The Tories say he's the wrong man, but of course they would, wouldn't they! 
2. Carbon footprint
   In 2007 our carbon footprints became big business. The Chancellor has been rubbing his hands in glee at the prospect of being able to introduce new types of taxes, and companies have been dressing in floral prints designed by their marketers. This latest fashion of "social responsibility" is being paraded on the catwalk in front of us mug consumers. Meanwhile there seems to be a whole body of evidence accumulating to suggest man-made C02 plays only a minor, insignificant role in climate change. When trying to finds the facts on Google I found instead near Freudian hysteria and contributions from people who seem to think they're in a movie. The consequences of man-made climate change, wrote one budding actor, will be "worse, much much worse......eventual extinction".
3. Nobel Peace Prize
   In keeping with "the year of the footprint" this year the Nobel Prize for Peace was shared between an organisation and Al Gore. They each get half a prize " for their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change".  Why did Al Gore get a prize for his video? There's even doubts it was actually true, like, get down to the bookies - there may yet be a chance of Jeremy Clarkson winning in 2008 for his continued work on Top Gear.
4. Virgin Media
   Launched on February 14th, V-Day. Steve Burch, CEO of NTL, was quoted at the time as saying "Virgin Media will shake up the market by bringing the Virgin traditions of value-for-money, brilliant customer service and innovation to the world of entertainment and communications."  However, a bungled negotiation with BSkyB led to the loss of popular channels such as Sky 1, Sky News, Sky 2, Sky Travel, Sky 3.... 40,000 customers fled in the first three months, perhaps they knew the virgin traditions of "value for money, brilliant customer service and innovation" are a branding screen thrown up to hide a normal company. They don't mean anything. Did we see our TV charges reduce with less channels? No. Did we see phone charges increase? Yes Sir we did!
5. Windows Vista
   The biggest technological disappointment of 2007 despite an R&D bill of £10bn, Windows Vista, actually seems to be an operating system designed for teenagers to help organise their media files. It seems a ridiculous use of hardware to spend on unnecessarily indexing every file and on fancy graphics like transparency which don't add anything and, in fact,  hamper the experience.  First set of tasks to do if you're a consumer stuck with Vista and you can't return it - turn off windows sidebar, un-tick all files in Indexing options, change update settings, change control panel to classic view, change start menu to classic, and yes, download open office as you won't be able to use Excel. 
6. HMRC
   It doesn't look like we'll ever see a video podcast or a YouTube channel explaining the ongoing delays to VAT applications which continued throughout 2007. The HMRC website, now in 2008, still displays the same notice since 2006, "Please be aware we are currently experiencing processing delays with both paper and online applications".  Applications can take up to six months to process, clearly inconveniencing small business. No practical guidance is given by HMRC on what to do during this lengthy application period. They just don't care, they're opening premise - "everyone's a crook" - guides all policy.
7. Tesco
   What's Tesco becoming? On my last visit of 2007 to Tesco Express in Port Solent my conclusion was a village. It has it's own pharmacy, a Costa Coffee, a supermarket, what appears to be an Argos, a department store, a Krispy Kreme Doughnut, and an opticians. The trouble is the supermarket is a mess, boxes on the ground, empty shelves, off products and staff pushing cages everywhere. You have to literally dodge the cages because they can't see what's in front when they're pushing. And there are plans to add a dentist practice to this village. I'd actually prefer if they brought in another supermarket chain, a company that knows how to run a supermarket, because Tesco seem to have forgotten.
8. Celebrity Rehab
   Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty, Lyndsay Lohan et al, all seemingly gone off the rails. They go into rehab, they come out, they get drunk or spaced, get pictured without their underwear, get spaced, go into rehab, and it's all front page news. I'm just not intersted. Why can't they just get a grip?
9. Open Season on the Games
   The 2012 logo was launched on Monday the 4th of  June and was almost instantly and unanimously derided (including by me). The jagged, graffiti design was likened to Lisa Simpson performing a lewd sex act. Within three days almost 50,000 people signed an online petition calling for the logo to be scrapped, an animated version had to be pulled from broadcast over fears the effects cause epileptic seizure. It was open season on "the Games", all year in fact, the underlying theme being, it's being run by a bunch of incompetents who don't know what they're doing. It'll be wrong and over budget. Guffaw! How could they forget the VAT? See point six above on HMRC, who in the end decided they couldn't register.
10. Big Brother
    Following the celebrity Big Brother race row, the ugly bullying of Shilpa Shetty, and Carphone Warehouse withdrawing sponsorship for the programme, we quietly hoped 2007 would be the last year of Big Brother. But no, it's continued....

Happy New Year and God bless for 2008

As 2008 begins, and the first day of commuting misfires with overrunning engineering works, I've compiled my list of the most annoying attributes of, or the reasons to avoid using, public transport. 

1. Mental Health Patients
   You won't find these in your car, so the number one reason to avoid public transport is having one of the UK's early released mental health patients in the same carriage as you. You know they've been left out early and are not taking medication as they're bare foot wearing sandals in December so there is no hiding their freakish yeti feet as they pace the carriage in a confused circle, scratching their beard. What are they going to do next, make a lunge for someone with a knife?
2. Ringtones
   When the "Mission Impossible" ringtone goes off people don't turn heads to look in admiration at the cool guy. If they turn around at all it's to look at the "knob head" who needs a ringtone to validate their personality. And of course, it isn't limited to "Mission Impossible", there's a whole industry built around downloading ringtones, some, like the crazy frog, specifically designed to be annoying. A 2007 research paper by the World Health Organisation into the long term ill effects of noise exposure suggested 3% of deaths from coronary heart disease were caused by chronic noise exposure. I wonder how many of these were on the overland to Waterloo? For 2008 put in on vibrate, your ringtone won't really be "the envy of your mates" as the advertising might suggest.
3. iPods / MP3's
   Played too loudly and you can overhear this awful tinny sound. It's just more noise adding to the coronary heart disease statistics. You can't hear a tune. The noise however, becomes even more aggravating if the person wearing the iPod starts "getting on down" to the music by nodding their head or tapping their foot - even more so if they're middle aged.
4. The smell of a McDonalds
   Number four in the list is the smell pervading the carriage as someone sits there and horses down a happy meal while you suffocate with the stink. You have to switch to breathing through the mouth. At times like this you would gladly turn into a 19th Century dandy or Russell Brand look-alike and produce, with a flourish, a scented kerchief from your sleeve to wave under your nose. This would also insulate you from the smell of clothes left to dry in a wet bundle, body odour, Lynx or someone's silent CO2 emission.
5. It's just too crowded
   Why do some people still insist on reading their newspaper when you're literally crushed together and can't move. They will still try to turn the pages literally within a half inch or less of your nose. 
6. Mobile Phones
   Their second appearance in my list of reasons to avoid public transport and use your car. I'm not sure which is worse, sitting in ear shot of someone going on and on in short story long mode or someone loudly soliloquising on their mobile as if the carriage were their theatre. They talk so they can be overheard. It doesn't matter who's on the other side, this is about the speaker and the other commuters in the carriage. It's as if they want to "be the envy of the other commuters". 
7. People talking in the morning
   It shouldn't be allowed. In the morning we want to sit in silence with our own thoughts and not be irritated by any early morning chatter, particularly when combined with laughter. And have you noticed, those talking seem to be doing so unnecessarily loudly?
8. Overrunning engineering works
   The first working day of 2008 backfires as overrunning engineering works close Liverpool Street station and lead to two hour delays on a main England to Scotland route. We're advised the work should have been completed. Very helpful! Meanwhile fares are due to increase by another 10%
9. Undertaking on the escalators
   We're all familiar with road rage, but in 2007 I was one bit lip away from being involved in the first incidence of escalator rage. We all know, other than the occasional gaggle of tourists, that there are two lanes on the escalator. On the right you stand, on the left you hurry by. But even this isn't quick enough for some. A gap in the slow lane and someone will dart out form behind you, overtake and push back in in front, even though you're jogging down the escalator yourself.. 
10. Public Nose picking
    As you watch in unbelief, out in public, surrounded by other people, and without a tissue or handkerchief in sight they'll start to pick their nose. Don't they realise where they are? Don't they realise they're out in public? You worry. What are they going to do next? Wipe it off the seat, flick it somewhere. Ug