The packaging boasts "it is like food you might cook yourself". This is true if you like to cook plates of jellied meat. Did I say meat? A closer look at the packaging reveals the meat is actually only 4%, so if you are planning a dinner party with a main course of jellied meat be sure to spend time on your marketing, so you can really give the dish a positive spin when you unveil it to your guests. What's the other 96%? Who cares, if anyone asks distract them with a cute kitten. It's an old marketing trick, works every time.

The annual food festival at Emsworth, an old fishing village on the South Coast, took place again this weekend and attracted an estimated 55,000 visitors. This is simply too many to pack into such a small, beautiful space, considering normal motor senses and awareness of others is either completely turned off or is dramatically reduced. People think with their stomachs and behave very unexpectedly. This includes coming to a complete stop in the middle of a pedestrian flow to hunch over and shovel food into their mouths. If you have a pushchair or a wheelchair or small kids the stress of trying to move through the crowd in one piece is too great, best to retreat to the river to feed the swans.