I decided to remind myself of the futility of life. So I've just spent an hour trying to sort out my finances. And dealing with banks. One bank wanted to give me a new pin - in order to close my account. Another has told me I need to visit a branch in person with photo ID in order to close an account with the grand total of £20 in it!! I promise myself I'm not going to get grumpy with the person on the other end of the phone but after repeating my name and address and PIN and my mother's cousin's sister's place of birth I got a tiny bit pissed off. Maybe it's a secret conspiracy to drive people to the brink of a nervous breakdown, go into hiding and then attain some kind of Zen wisom. I would like to think so, but I guess it isn't.Unintelligent Finance, more like.

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"Mighty warriors with mighty swords, shiny helmets and shield bosses
We sail over the crimosn sea seeking plunder in Angle land.."

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The BBC headline read "Brown brings mystery to festival." Of course, this isn't the only place he brings mystery. Although better known for his sleight of hand, Gordan is currently making houses disappear at an alarming rate throughout the UK.

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Over the last number of weeks the Credit Crunch has filled our newspapers and news bulletins. For those who would like an understandable explaination click here.

So there you have it, the credit crunch is as a result of the Banks lending money to people that could'nt afford to repay,lying about the value of these "assets" and hoodwinking some into thinking that they could afford bigger mortgages by giving them "discounted introductionary offers".

Unlike other businesses that are usually allowed to go bust when they make a bollocks of their business, banks are given assistance,( Northern Rock and Bear Sterns), to fix the problem and preserve their vast profits by Governments and Central Banks, only yesterday the Bank of England announced its making £50bn available to UK Banks to assist in increasing liquidity as banks now are'nt lending to each other, because they c'ant trust each other.

Who will end up paying for all this, you and me in the form of higher interest rates, lower returns on stock markets, lower house valuation the list goes on

Really really annoying shit

 

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Why is it always at the most inopportune moment your bank or credit card company will decide to put a stop or caution on your credit or debit card? And what are you supposed to do? The only contact numbers on the card are to report if it's lost or stolen. There isn't a number listed on it to call if your bank have put a hold on it.

Although my most embarrassing moment was definitely being stranded at a checkout in Tesco with the card stopped and no cash, this Christmas the bank did it inconveniently again. Twice.

The first time, Nintendo Wii's were back in online stock but because the card wouldn't process they were out of stock before I had time to finish. I didn't get one.

Next day I decided to buy something else, ordering before 2pm to make next day delivery. Again the card was stopped. By the time I had run through a series of ridiculous security questions by the bank (such as "Give me the name of a music store you buy music?" - let's face it, you have a 50:50 chance of getting that one right, HMV or whatever Virgin is now called!) I missed the cut-off so the delivery is now scheduled for two to three days after Christmas. No doubt by then it will have been discounted 50% in the sales.

Is there a better way?. Could the bank actually call, don't they have your contact numbers? But of course some of them do. Recently a friend was left stranded in a panic in Tunisia in the middle of the night when her card was stopped. She had no cash. The bank however had kindly left a message on her home telephone in the UK saying the card was stopped as it was being used in Tunisia.

Being used in Tunisia? Ehh, maybe she's in Tunisia, maybe we should call her mobile? No such luck.

There must be a better way. At least as a start a customer service number should be printed on the card. You might then have some chance, rather than having to take a very ignoble exit from Tesco if you happen to be left stranded with no cash and a refused card.

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Firstly I have to admit that paying my visa card is an exercise that I complete on an irregular basis. Today however I decided to pay on time for once, and decided to pay a little extra so that I could purchase something on the internet.

 

I went into my internet bank site and logged on in the normal way. I went to “pay a bill section” clicked the bill I wanted to pay and paid it. When this was done I received a note telling me that the “payment could take up to 5 working days”. I said to myself “feck that for a game of soldiers”, so I decided to call the  visa card department to ascertain why it could take up to 5 working days for the money to arrive in my visa account, given that my current account was down by some Ɔ2500 immediately, and my card was issued by the same Bank.

 

I was told that “that’s the way the bank does it”, “feckin brilliant” I said to myself, I decided to call my Bank Manager at branch to verify this is the case, he confirmed that it was. When I calmed down I began to muse to myself as to what, roughly, would the extra income that bank will generate from this transaction, if everyone in Ireland were to do the same thing as I did.

 

Here we go, according to research carried out by the Central Bank, it was estimated that at the end of November 2004 there was Ɔ1.8billion outstanding in the form of credit card debt, I suppose as consumer credit was increasing at a growth run rate of approx 20% year on year ,this would make this figure about Ɔ3 billion today give or take a couple of Ɔ100 million, Credit Card interest is on average 16.3% Apr so this would give an interest income to the Banks of approximately Ɔ489m per annum, assuming that the amount outstanding stays fairly constant. This equates to Ɔ1.4m a day so should we all endeavour to pay off our balances today and it takes “5 working days for the funds to reach your account” the Banks will glean close to Ɔ10m , the interest is also calculated at the weekend.(Not to mention any late payment fee that maybe charged by some providers)

 

Secondly the Bank will also have Ɔ3 billion on deposit with an interest rate of say 4.5% they will additionally earn close to Ɔ370k free.

 

So to summarise the Banks will clear close to Ɔ10.4m just because you decided to pay off your credit card, properly.

 

Feck’in hell this is really annoying s##t of huge proportions, maybe its time for the Banks to wear masks, at least that way we’ll know we are being Ripped Off.

 

AT LEAST DICK TURPIN WORE A MASK WHEN HE WAS ROBBING PEOPLE

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In late April I acquired a dedicated server from an internet hosting company and paid for three months in advance. The price for the quarter was £211.47 (including VAT). Stupidly, I hadn't looked at my bank statements until today, to discover, the company, due to an obvious accounting error, have been debiting my bank account each month since April for £211.47, leading to an overpayment of just under £1,000 even though I had cancelled the server after a week of use because the solution was unworkable.

Interestingly, this aim listed company, reports a 46% increase in profits for its last financial year.

Notwithstanding the fact I hadn't authorised the company to debit my account at all (that's another story), the fact it occurred is a reminder, that:

Recurring payments on your credit cards are the same. Some companies will automatically renew your purchase without advising you, and make it particularly difficult to cancel. I remember it taking months to stop AOL direct debits.

When I joined Ecademy, the social business network,  I paid the twelve month subscription fee in advance. I  lost interest in the network after a few months and stopped using it. On the anniversary of my joining, Ecademy renewed the subscription automatically. The first I knew of it was seeing the debit on my bank statement. The next year they tried to do the same, but as I had changed my card the payment failed. I then started to receive a series of automatically generated emails. These lasted for a few weeks and then stopped. This was the sum of the Ecademy customer service experience.

Most companies rely on our complacency. We don't study our bank statements and transactions or manage our cash as we should. With recurring payments and automatic renewals you may not get the best deal. This is particularly so with car or home insurance. If your car insurance is on an automatic renewal, you're unlikely to get the best deal.

Three last points:

• When a company already has your money your bargaining power is weak.
• If you ever run into cashflow difficulties, your bank will score on charges as they bounce your direct debits.
• The key benefits are enjoyed, not by you, but by the companies you buy from.

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