I thought this might be the smallest blog post in the world but I remembered Blacksheep already won the blog awards in that category for his blog which contained no content at all. That untitled blog, which his harshest critics lambasted as being an error, also, controversially, won best punctuation and spelling for a blog.

And, as if that wasn't enough hardware for the night, his blog also won first place for best regional submission from an area around Maynooth. Fans admire the blog post for its nihilistic candour and have even drawn parallels to the ground breaking conceptual artist, Marcel Duchamp.

For me, I think he made an error, was too eager with the return key. I can't even link direct to the blank post as the lack of title means it can't be indexed, but enough about the blog awards, I want to talk about shirts.

Why is it when you buy a non iron shirt the first thing you have to do is iron it to take the creases out?

Marks & Spencer don’t have a plan B. They do have a Plan A, and Plan A is all about tackling "some of the biggest challenges facing ..... the world".

Their eco-marketing literature says we’ll see them work with "customers .... to combat climate change". As part of the plan they’re introducing a 5p charge for plastic bags from the 6th of May, to help reduce the amount sent to landfill. Until then, every shopper will get a free bag for life with their food purchases.

I got one yesterday. It was handed to me, neatly folded, after I finished packing my purchases into the environmentally damaging plastic.

Pardon me for stating the "bleedin" obvious – but shouldn’t the free bag be handed out first – are you really serious about Plan A, or is this just more marketing to mug the consumer?

When I penned my original blog about iphone, iphone me bollocks ,this piece of technical crap was'nt available in Ireland yet, well come March 14th all that will change.

Please follow the link below as Pat Phelan articulates these points much better than me. If you decide to buy one of these phones after reading his blog God help you.

Krispy Kreme have a facebook group, apparently, called Krispy Kreme is coming to Portsmouth. But don't get me started on social networking sites, I want to talk about another one. This site, pictured below, used to be the children's playground at Tesco's North Harbour in Portsmouth.

Make way! It was obviously not producing revenue and has been given over to the much healthier doughnut! Evidently 120,000 of them will be given out free in the run up to store opening and , especially for Portsmouth, a limited edition doughnut, called the Berry Redknapp, after former Pompey manager, will also be available. Don't you just love the marketing?

And the playground? Gone.

Watching a bit of telly last night and advert came on for 3 Mobiles Internet product, when I was watching it I noticed that the creative wizards made a decision for the Mobile Device that you connect to your PC would look like the human sperm making its way to fertilise an egg.

Originally nothing bothered me but then I began thinking about people that I have met in my life who for one reason or another have and are still finding it difficult to conceive, and all the tests that many of them went through , and all the mental torment that is associated with being put through these tests. I said to myself that this is insensitive and began to picture in my minds eye a couple experiencing these difficulties watching this and wondered how this made them feel.

Advertising and Marketing is designed to sell product and I accept that concept, as very few businesses survive without Sales, however wouldnt it be nice to consider the sensitivities of people before profit.

Maybe I am over-reacting but I know people that have suffered and its not a very pleasant experience for all involved.

The headline says it all "iGeeks" await €1400 iPhone launch" well there you have it, Steve Jobs was in London yesterday to launch and announce the coming of the new iPhone which will be available from November 9 2007, mark your diary.

 I suppose that there will be many that will be looking forward to the launch and more luck to you, but heres the beauty of this product, it will not be able to operate on 3G in Europe, that right it will not be 3G compatible, the so called "donkeys bollock's" of phone,music, and internet technology will operate at the same speed of dial up internet connection, brilliant, I suppose that when you buy the phone you'll be handed a 10 mile telephone cable which you will use to "Dial -up", but at least you'll be connected, albeit physically.

 Whilst the world has moved on in technological term's Apple still makes shite products but use's marketing ploys to tempt you into the Den that is non-compatibility, isolation and uselessness, but whipping £899 (€1400 approx) out of your pocket, remember "I'm PC, I'm Mac" well there you go, additionally it also be said that the same phone that does'nt work on 3G is available in the US for $399 and $599 in Japan but this price is under review, why, because the Japanese are'nt stupid.

 I suppose the next announcement from Jobs will be that Web 2.0 is overrated and the feck'in thing will be Web 1.0 compatible, or if that fails they will buy Digitals Vax.VMs system from a down and out on the street and get the Marketing Department working on it.

Christ as a child I used to get two tin can's put a hole in each, connect with string, and talk to my fellow soldiers during "our war", now Apple has "sexed" it up, to the Patent Lawyers seems to be the only option.

 Feck I'm annoyed by this Sh##t.

The packaging boasts "it is like food you might cook yourself". This is true if you like to cook plates of jellied meat. Did I say meat? A closer look at the packaging reveals the meat is actually only 4%, so if you are planning a dinner party with a main course of jellied meat be sure to spend time on your marketing, so you can really give the dish a positive spin when you unveil it to your guests. What's the other 96%? Who cares, if anyone asks distract them with a cute kitten. It's an old marketing trick, works every time.

Enticed in by the Sales signs and in need of some new shirts I went into Austin Reed in Kingston's Bentall Centre. Although my main reason for going out had been to buy a new pair of boots in Jones ("the bootmakers") they only had shoes, and I couldn't go home empty handed.

 Formal shirts were on a two for three in Austin Reed and there were also shirts marked down by half price. I found one shirt in the half price bay and then picked out another three formal shirts. The three formal shirt were £50 each and the half price came in at a few pence short of £25.

He hesitates, then quietly cancels the transaction, and runs the items through again as two separate sales. "That's accountants for you", he explains, while handing me the single bag. As I leave I feel, erroneously, as if I'm up £25 - Wuwho! Next stop Threshers. 

Why is that when you order a simple black coffee in Starbucks you are left to feel meek. I had occasion to visit a Starbucks last week whilst I was in Dublin, and when I asked for a "Black Coffee" the girl asked "is that all you want?. I thought to myself why the silly question. Then to further increase my frustration I had to queue up to pay another person for my coffee and I was safely waiting 3 minutes before being handed my "Black Coffee".

When I was putting sugar into my coffee I noticed a lot of well dressed people lounging about in Starbucks chairs reading newspapers or working on laptops. I began to muse does anybody work in offices anymore, or has it come to pass that Starbucks is now the preferred office workspace in the world?. Another thing struck me why is the coffee in Starbucks 80c more expensive that all other convience stores, you dont get served any quicker, and the coffee does'nt taste any different, well I only drink black coffee, so I dont know about the sexy coffees, but feel free to have your say.

This to me is marketing gone mad, we are systematically being homogenised by these companies, Apple with their "I mac, I'm PC" campaign to if you want to be sexy you'd better buy this coffee. Well I for one will never go into Starbucks again I am happy to go into an ordinary shop and fill my own cup with coffee, walk to the checkout, say good morning to the shop assistant, pay for my coffee, and leave, I have a life to live.............................

I needed to get a suit cleaned in my new local dry cleaners today. I went to the shop with my suit and the following ensued..

• Shop Assistant (S.A) "Is this your first time here?"
• Me, "Yes"
• SA, "Name, Address, Telephone and email if you have one"
• Me "What do you want all that information for, all I want is for you to clean a suit for tomorrow"
• SA "I'm only doing my job, its our policy to get this information so that we can contact you with special offers"
• Me "I d'ont want to give you my personal details, as I have no guarantee that the information is secure, and I additionally have no guarantee that the information will not be sold to spammers"
• SA "We'll only keep it on the computer"
• Me " Do you have a written agreement that clearly states that you will not issue my details to anyone?"
• SA "You'll need to speak to the owner about that".
• Me " I'll blog it on reallyannoyings##t, it will attract more readers".
• SA "Sigh"
• Me "Will my suit be ready in the morning"?
• SA "Yes".

So there you have it, we live in an age of Identity theft and your local "Pressed 4 Time" Dry cleaners want all your details so that you can get your clothes dry cleaned. For feck sake if this happens to you do not give your information for free.

When I was a child, and that was'nt yesterday, when my parents asked me if I had any notes from the teacher, it usually meant that if I had I was in trouble. As my own children now are attending school I have kept this time honoured tradition up. I must admit though what I was expecting from such notes was something along the lines of  my little boy had kicked another little boy in the "hows you fathers" during break and the teacher together with the other boys parents would like a "little chat".

No those days seem to be gone forever, the notes that my children come home with, and both of them are in the same school for now,are essentially free advertising for the numerous "after school activities that are available" from the many commerical companies providing these services. They range from painting clubs, science clubs to dancing clubs, and the cost of these can range from €60 to €120 depending on the club.Add to this the book fair where you child will buy a book for a minimum of €10.

I am really annoyed by this ,not only are the companies getting a nice distribution channel but they are exploiting the children. I cannot comment if the school is gaining anything from this,as I d'ont know, but irrespective of that look at the pressure that this puts parents under. Your child asks if they can go ,if you say no all hell will break loose,with them accusing you of being a "Mean Daddy". And what about those parents that simply cannot afford these extra's, it simply add stress to already stressful life.

It also must be a distraction for the teachers having to remember to hand out this material during the day, thereby having to disrupt the teaching process, which can only mean that its our children will suffer from "bity" teaching.They are employed to teach not to be a part of a commercial concern, allow them to do their job.

Surely this has to stop, and I for one think its deplorable. If it the case that the school has to do this for financial reasons then shame on you Department of Education

When you start your computer the chances are you could actually go away and make a coffee while you wait for it to complete. Overtime your computer becomes so slow that you either replace it or you take a hammer to it in a moment of angry frustration. You only have a 256K or 128K memory card when they seem to be churning them out now with a 1GB card as standard.

Of course, this will help, and you will see an instant difference at start-up. Until, that is, you start to install all the other programs you used to run on your old computer.

The majority of these programs think you want to use them every time you start your computer. They also think it's perfectly ok to communicate with "VGER" when you're connected to the internet and even try to automatically restart your computer if they find and install an update. Marketing are likely to consider it beneficial to have the program load automatically. The user isn't likely to quickly forget the software or the maker or use an alternative, you're right there in their face every day.

This is fine if you actually want to use the program every day. If you only want to use it periodically then you should be able to easily turn it off, and when I say "easily" I mean you don't need a computer degree to do so or have to type "msconfig" or "regedit" into the start and run menu. Personally,  I would prefer my computer to start with only one program, Kaspersky anti-virus software. Everything else I would like to choose to start when I am ready.

However, the default on the majority of software installations seems to be to run when windows starts and to automatically search for updates or newer versions of the software when you're connected to the internet without giving you the option to change it.

I was actually surprised that MSN Messenger 7 included the ability to un-tick "run this program when Windows starts" in the options tab. Prior to this version this wasn't included as an option. Instead you had to click start and run. Type in regedit.exe and click ok. Navigate to HKEY_CURRENT_USERSoftwareMicrosoftWindowsCurrentVersion un. Once you're there click on the MSMSGS entry and select delete. Then click yes to confirm.

At least one piece of software has made a positive change, if only the rest would follow.

The "caveboy" can now return home with a little box from H.Samuel, the Jewellers, under the illusion it will help him speak like a Prince. This seasons H.Samuel TV advert depicts a succession of  boys, to stereotype, unable to express how they feel. The solution is simple. Go down to your local H.Samuel, buy some hardware ("jewellery" in other words), bring it back to the cave and plonk it on to the table.

The strap line is very much in the same mood as "say it with flowers" so don't be at all surprised if it doesn't actually "help you say it better this Christmas".  You know, its just designed to sell jewellery, it doesn't have magical powers......